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Bitch What You Don't Know About Me You Could Just About Squeeze Into The Grand Fucking Canyon
My school is giving me a mental breakdown.  I tell people this, and they think I am kidding or exagerrating, but I'm really not.  I am always on edge and anxious.  I am always stressed.  I am always sick.  Today, after yelling at Robert for whistling, after yelling at my Bible teacher for telling me that I'm immature, (and when I say yelling I mean yelling.  I went completely insane on them) I spent second period in the bathroom, crying and shaking and trying not to puke.  I got told by nearly everyone who saw me flip out that they love me and that I'm so funny.  I'm glad that me losing my fucking mind is so damn hilarious.  I honestly felt like shit the rest of the day.  When I got home I went jogging to try to get rid of my stress, but all it did was make me have a panic attack.  My chest was tight and I was lightheaded the entire time I was out.  Then I got home and I just flipped out.  It was bad. I scratched the fuck out of myself.  So now I have scratches on my side and the back of my neck, bite marks on my fingers and inner lip, and about a million paper cuts.  I look like a walking accident.  I feel like a fucking mental patient.  I can't make it sixteen more days.  I really can't.  I'm taking off this Friday and probably next Friday and maybe even the Friday after that.  I can't handle this.  I really can't.

Fetus Cookie Cutters Are Expensive As Fuck
So...Osama Bin Laden is dead.  I don't really feel much of anything about it.  Am I supposed to?  I mean, I guess I'm glad in an obligatory sort of way, but it's not like I'm turning cartwheels and screaming "US FUCKING A!!!" 

Today while I was walking Morrissey I saw Zach walking through my backyard.  I started wondering what the fuck he was doing and if he was looking for me and why he was looking for me and if he was trying to text me because I didn't have my phone and then I realized that the thing I thought was him was actually a bird.  Clearly I have 20/20 vision. 

I am so tired of my school, and I know I keep saying this, but I don't think you fully understand.  Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by morons every day of your life?
Today in art class, somehow politics came up and my art teacher said something about me voting republican and I was like, "I wouldn't vote republican."  He asked why not.  I said, "Because I'm a democrat?"  The room got dead silent.  Everyone turned at stared at me.  I am not making this up.  Mr. Scott asked why.  I said, "Because republicans are closed minded morons who are against everything that I'm for."  He asked what I'm for.  I said, "Abortion and gay marriage".  I was immediately met with a chorus of "What???  You're pro-choice????  Why????"  And I said, "Because I like to use my brain.  Why would I ever be okay with a law that says if I get knocked up I have to keep the kid?"  And then someone else said, "Well, I'm okay with gay people, I just don't think they should be allowed to get married."  And I said, "Why not?"  And then Mr. Scott changed the subject. 
I've been watching Bill Maher videos online since I got home to remind me that I'm not the only person in the world who is capable of using their brain.
He has a documentary called Religulous about different religions and how they're all completely convinced that their's is the right one and how ridiculous they sound.  I'm considering watching it.  I'm trying to unbrainwash myself.  I believe in God, but only because I've been told since the time I was a kid that Christianity is the only right way and that if you don't believe it you're going to hell.  I've been trying to be more logical, but fuck it's hard when you're constantly being told that if you don't believe in God you'll die.

asdfjkl;lkjfda  This is so frustrating.  I think I'll just go watch some documentary and be smart.

Would You Like To Hear My Voice Sprinkled With Emotion?
Appy polly loggies for my obnoxious obsessive drunk post Wednesday night.  I was up until God knows when listening to Foo Fighter's new album, writing poems, and drawing pictures.  I have no idea if any of it was any good because I haven't looked yet. 
Speaking of poems, I had to write a couplet in iambic pentemeter for English. 
I bought a pound of pennyroyal tea
I must destroy all trace of you from me
My teacher said she loved it and that it was really good.  I don't think she knows what pennyroyal tea is.

Please.  I want this hair.

My mom keeps telling me I can't get a job if my hair's multicolored.  I don't think I can even begin to express how much of a fuck I don't give.  I don't want a job.  Actually, I was in Forever 21 yesterday and they were hiring, but then everyone there was totally judging me for my clothes and because I left my waterbottle in the store and then ran back to get it.  The people who work at Deb judge me too.  Everytime I go there to visit Melissa they refuse to talk to me, even when I try to initiate conversation, and give me dirty looks.  Fuck everyone.  I want to live in a car.

Jake is playing the most beautiful song on the guitar.  He said it's part of Smells Like Teen Spirit, but I know that song like the back of my hand and what he is playing is nowhere in there.  I think he's playing it in the wrong key or something and has inadverdantly wrote a really really beautiful song that I just want to listen to all night.  Why don't I ever inadverdantly write brilliant songs?  Fuck my life.

Oh.  As promised, here's mine and Melissa's video about homosexuality.

I'm so lonely and bored.  I'm going to go upstairs and listen to music and write poems and think about how I'm incapable of keeping anybody in my life for more than two years.  I'm a glutton for self-torture.  It's okay.  I'll feel better in the morning.  I always do.

Oh Man. Alcohol.


Why Am I Going On About This? I'm Gonna Regret It In The Morning.Collapse )


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Hi Hi Hi There

Rocky Horror Picture Show is no longer my favorite movie. 

Suddenly, I viddied that thinking was for the gloopy ones, and that the oomny ones use like, inspiration.Collapse )